How Nigerians Can Successfully Meet Foreigners and Build Meaningful Relationships

As we have established how you can meet your foreign love, which is the starting point, another step would be building and sustaining your interracial relationship. It is important to, because you should not go into any relationship you do not plan to keep and build into something beautiful. We have seen people live till grey with their foreign partners giving birth to beautiful mixed children, grand and even great grand. How did they even transcend from dating into marriage? What secret ingredient did they employ? Thus, the essence of knowing how to keep these relationships. Because the truth remains that keeping interracial relationships could pose the tendencies of becoming more difficult because of the completely different backgrounds of the partners involve.  If you really want your relationship to grow into a meaningful one, then you have to do these things.

1.  Understanding Cultural Differences:

It is one thing to know, it is another to understand. As a Nigerian man or woman who is dating for example an American, understanding that their cultural background differs from yours in key. Don’t just judge their practices. These people are the way they are because this is what they have been taught to know. This is what they grew up with and have been exposed to. So,

• First, you learn about these cultures, do not jump into stereotypical conclusions. A perfect example is, as much as we Nigerians, love family communal ties, Americans appreciate individualism more. This does not make them selfish or self centered. It just makes them avoid interfering with others. Other examples are that Nigerian men are controlling while Nigerian women are submissive, that Nigerian men are only interested in money and Visas which is most times not true.
• Understand your partner’s stand by having heart to heart conversations.
• And then finally, be open to this cultural difference, do not impose yours on them, appreciate their culture and find a balance between yours and your partner’s.

2. Communicate effectively:

Communication is key. Partners who do not even understand each other’s language can live together harmoniously when they discover a way to communicate effectively between themselves.

• First of all, be patient. If English is not your partner’s first language, be patient with them and teach them. Overtime, they will get to understand basic words like greetings.
• Also importantly, if your partner happens to be Spanish or even French, learn the basic greetings in their language. It shows you appreciate their language and wish both of you are unified in language.
• And while they learn, never tease your partner because of their accent. It could kill their interest in learning your language.
• Do not overlook body languages like gestures, eye contacts. It creates connection between you and your partner.
• And to add, the part of resolving conflict amicably with understanding is key. Be the first to pursue peace. While talking about issues, avoid using hurtful words.

3. Adaptation to different relationship expectations:

Biology made us understand that even when animals relocate, they need new features to adapt so they can survive. So does humans. Adaptation is important for survival. So, you must be ready to change some inborn habits and traits, to make a relationship with your foreign partner work.

• First of, know that what you understand as gender roles might differ from where your partner is coming from. You might have the belief that as the man, you are responsible for taking care of your woman or as a woman, a man is solely responsible for your upkeep. But your partner might have differed opinion. So, to make the relationship work, you need to learn to understand, adapt, and evolve.

• Also prioritize discussing about family planning if both of you have marriage in view. Incase as a Nigerian man or woman, you want eight kids and your partner is resolved to having just two. Not discussing and agreeing on things like this, can ruin the relationship.

• Lastly on this, state your expectations in the relationship. How you expect your partner to dress, talk or even act, all without being confrontational or dominating because at the end of the day, no one knows how to treat you better than you.

4. Manage family and societal expectations:

You have heard of several Nigerian families who have been against their brother, sister, son or even daughter getting married to someone even outside their tribe, talk less a foreigner. To them, it is an abomination. This is a problem people in interracial relationships face. But then, you cannot allow that stop you from being committed to your foreign partner. This can be managed by

• First, be patient and gradually introduce your partner to your parents. Help educate your parents to understand that the world is evolving and marrying a foreigner is not an abomination as they see it but instead a rare opportunity and embraceable privilege.
  • And then, help your partner understand the key areas of the Nigerian Culture like the bride price, traditional marriage ceremonies and family hierarchy so she can easily blend in and win the heart of your family members.
  • And do not forget to encourage your partner to participate in cultural activities like attending Nigerian wedding and even tasting Nigerian foods. Make her feel at home.
  • To add, teach them common phrases in your dialect to help them communicate well with your family. Imagine being a Yoruba guy and your American girlfriend greets your mother Ekaró ma. It gives this feeling of safety and homeliness.
  • Lastly and importantly, Support each other emotionally even in tough times.

5. Efficiently navigate times during long distance relationships:

Most people who date foreigners, starts with long distance relationships. And so, navigating this phase is essential to helping the relationship grow and blossom. The truth is that, sometimes keeping up with long distance relationships can seem very difficult. But you can’t give up because it is difficult or rocky. Fighting for it, is important thus,

• Both of you have to maintain a strong communication. Partners who want to make their relationship work must develop the habit of communicating consistently. It strengthens the bond between them because they get to discuss, talk about what they go through, share the highlights of their day.
  • Secondly, plan visits and future relocation. You cannot keep up with a long-distance relationship for a very long time without plans of visiting each other occasionally or even relocating to be together finally. Plans like this, reassures your partner that you still have them in mind.
  • In all this, deal with loneliness and time zone differences. Plan dates online. Plan pizza dates, even movie dates, online. Do them to keep lonely times. And also know your partner’s free time to make time for them. Do not be too tired to talk to them.  You need to show to them that you appreciate them as much as you can.

6. Understand and respect each other’s religious differences:

 Nigerians are said to be one of the most religious people in the world. So, as a Nigerian in a relationship with a foreigner, you need to come to a stand point with your partner as regards their beliefs.

• First of all, know your partner and their beliefs.
  • Secondly, be open to your partner about your belief and your level of commitment.
  • Respect each other’s beliefs
  • Discuss major differences in beliefs and how both of you can come to a common ground on how it will affect both of you.
  • Discuss how these beliefs will affect your home and children if marriage is in view
  • Perform religious activities together where possible to show commitment.
  • Do not forget to love your partner no matter what.

7. Adaptation to your partner’s love language:

The importance of love languages cannot be over emphasized. The five love languages which are words of affirmation, gifting, acts of service, physical touch and quality time are what drives a meaningful relationship and understanding your partner’s love language is essential. Nigerians are fond of acts of service while the westerners are more of words of affirmation. So, imagine you are dating a westerner without this in mind. It only makes for a rocky relationship.

• So, firstly you know
  • Secondly, adjust and adapt.

8. Adaptation to different romantic norm:

We know how unaccepting the Nigerian culture is to public display of affection (PDA). But it is the opposite for the westerners. Take for instance, your foreign partner is one that loves PDA and you are the direct opposite. Does this mean both of you cannot work out? Of course not. So, how do you both navigate this?

• To start with, discuss, talk about what works for both of you.
  • Respect each other’s decision.
  • Come to an agreement. You can both agree to do the PDA when you are both abroad but when in Nigeria, modesty applies.

Final Thought

Love in whatever form, is a very beautiful sight to behold. It is even better seeing interracial relationships excel, because two people have agreed to put racial differences, cultural differences aside to become one. When we even live in a country that sometimes encourages tribalism. The aforementioned guidelines are to help you make your interracial relationship work, whether you are in one or planning on going into one.

P.S: Keep genuine love in heart when going into any relationship.